Sunday, August 16, 2009

Treading Water

Staying positive and in touch with my inner self is hard. As I get physically and emotionally tired, negativity and angst begin to take over. Thoughts of how people have wronged me and how I can set them right begin to not only creep into my mind but take over my thoughts. Thoughts of I deserve better and I shouldn’t have to do this overwhelm me. It is proven over and over to me how I am a selfish and lazy person. With these thoughts, my inner self becomes like a raging sea, unsettled to its deepest core. I need Jesus to say “peace be still” to the storm waters of my heart.

I am also shocked by how quickly I can pit myself against someone who I believe to be in the wrong. I make it my moral obligation to bring the light to them. I become hardheaded and boorish. How can I make the world about Jesus and others when I am so concerned about standing up for my own rights? But how can I be assertive and not simply a whipping boy but also offer grace and release my own “rights?” Jesus stood up to others but where is the balance in grace?

The Lake

I was asked this week why I love the lake so much. And to be honest I am not sure I had ever considered why I am in love with that little plot of land with less than 100 ft of waterfront. There are many reasons but I think it is because it is where all of my passions meet. There is my family and some of the best times I have had with them is being at the lake. There is no TV and little cell phone reception so when we are down there we are all together. We also all work together and there is something about work that builds comradery. The shared dirt and pain bring people together. Then there is nature. I love the vastness of nature. That I feel small in the grand scheme of things. I also love the consistency of the nature. You can always rely on what is to come. And then there is God. God is in nature and I meet him there. I’m at peace with the world and people when I’m at the lake and therefore I can converse with God a little more easily. When I arrive at the lake, Jesus says to my heart, “peace, be still.” I love the lake for its history. There are countless memories of friends, family, and self. The people that have come to the lake have been the most important people in my life. It is almost as though I am inviting them into myself when I invite people to the lake. The lake is me and I am the lake. Consistent yet changing, mysterious yet understood, grand yet under simple, dirty yet peaceful, always in need of some work, but you get used to the work and the imperfections,