Sunday, August 16, 2009

Treading Water

Staying positive and in touch with my inner self is hard. As I get physically and emotionally tired, negativity and angst begin to take over. Thoughts of how people have wronged me and how I can set them right begin to not only creep into my mind but take over my thoughts. Thoughts of I deserve better and I shouldn’t have to do this overwhelm me. It is proven over and over to me how I am a selfish and lazy person. With these thoughts, my inner self becomes like a raging sea, unsettled to its deepest core. I need Jesus to say “peace be still” to the storm waters of my heart.

I am also shocked by how quickly I can pit myself against someone who I believe to be in the wrong. I make it my moral obligation to bring the light to them. I become hardheaded and boorish. How can I make the world about Jesus and others when I am so concerned about standing up for my own rights? But how can I be assertive and not simply a whipping boy but also offer grace and release my own “rights?” Jesus stood up to others but where is the balance in grace?


  1. "Dear Lord,
    Today I thought of the words of Vincent van Gogh 'It is true there is an ebb and flow, but the sea remains the sea.' You are the sea. Although I experience many ups and downs in my emotions and often feel great shifts and changes in my inner life, You remain the same. Your sameness is not the sameness of a rock, but the sameness of a faithful friend. Out of Your love I come to life; by Your love I am sustained; and to Your love I am always called back. There are days of sadness and days of joy; there are feelings of guilt and feelings of gratitude; there are moments of failure and moments of success; but all of them are embraced by Your unwavering love...
    Lord, sea of love and goodness, let me not fear too much the storms and winds of my daily life, and let me know that there is ebb and flow but that the sea, remains the sea. Amen." Henri Nouwen, A Cry for Mercy

    The first part of your entry reminded me of this quote.

    So glad you started a blog!


  2. Just this morning I was praying and asking God's forgiveness for how often I demand my "rights" in various situations. "The Calvary Road" (by Hession) is continuing to remind me that we have no rights. Ugh, how I long to be able to stay so present in Christ that I am consistently other-centered, self-forgetting, non-judging, and non-demanding of those things which are "owed" to me.

    At church, the Lord reminded me first of all, that the grace that I long to have in my heart for others has been given to me, too - and that I can have grace with myself in those moments when I am humbled to my core with how low and flawed I am. Second, that our lives are a journey and we will stumble and fall along the way, but that he is walking with us.

    May the longing in your heart to be more like Christ be evidenced in your prayers, words, smiles, and actions.

    Like Candice, I too am glad you started a blog!

    Peace. Tiff