Staying positive and in touch with my inner self is hard. As I get physically and emotionally tired, negativity and angst begin to take over. Thoughts of how people have wronged me and how I can set them right begin to not only creep into my mind but take over my thoughts. Thoughts of I deserve better and I shouldn’t have to do this overwhelm me. It is proven over and over to me how I am a selfish and lazy person. With these thoughts, my inner self becomes like a raging sea, unsettled to its deepest core. I need Jesus to say “peace be still” to the storm waters of my heart.
I am also shocked by how quickly I can pit myself against someone who I believe to be in the wrong. I make it my moral obligation to bring the light to them. I become hardheaded and boorish. How can I make the world about Jesus and others when I am so concerned about standing up for my own rights? But how can I be assertive and not simply a whipping boy but also offer grace and release my own “rights?” Jesus stood up to others but where is the balance in grace?